First step in setting boundaries

There comes a time when boundaries, or the lack of them, become evident. During divorce that time is unavoidable. You may never have practiced saying no to this person. That does not mean you cannot start.

The first step is not a dramatic rulebook. It is one sentence you can say calmly more than once. Examples: “I will talk about the kids’ schedule by email, not at pickup.” “I won’t discuss money after 8 p.m.” “I’m not available for a character debate. I am available for logistics.”

Write the sentence down. Tell a friend the exact words so you are less likely to soften them into an apology. If you share children, keep the boundary about the channel and the timing, not about punishing contact.

Expect it to be tested. A boundary is not a boundary the first time you say it. It becomes one the second and third time you keep it, without a lecture. If this feels impossible, a coach can rehearse it with you before you need it in real time.