4 things to say to a friend who tells you they’re getting divorced — and the 1 thing not to say

When someone tells you they are getting divorced, your job is not to decide who is right. It is to keep them from feeling exiled from their own life.

Say: “I’m glad you told me.” Say: “You don’t have to explain the whole story.” Say: “What would actually help this week — a meal, a school pickup, company on a Wednesday?” Say: “I can hold this without sharing it.” Then keep that promise.

The thing not to say is “I never liked them anyway,” or any sentence that forces your friend to defend the person they are leaving or the years they spent. They can be grieving and relieved in the same hour. Leave room for both.

If you are the one hearing silence from your own friends, that is common and it is not a measure of your worth. The Avail forum is a room full of people who do not need the backstory translated.